In retrospect its easy to say…

I sometimes get this niggling feeling that blogs are the reserve of stretched truths, embellished perceptions and a façade of a life  one dreams they have. I am not saying that people do not blog about the truth, only that occasionally leave out the unappealing bits.

Maybe I am guilty of that in certain aspects, occasionally when I am depressed, I can’t blog or leave that out. But on the other hand, there is nothing like the giddy sense of happiness to throw you into first gear and get those creative juices flowing.

A few days ago my stomach was in a million tiny knots, I couldn’t eat and the stress was unbearable. This only happens when I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. When I have no light at the end of the tunnel and I am faced with the uknown. When everything I have worked hard for amounts to nothing, to years of playing house and nothing more. It is tantamount to divorce after almost ten years on and off, and a fur baby to consider.

When it comes to my relationship I have a tendency to be fatalistic- every time ML fucks up, I give him his walking papers, without a flicker of doubt.  I discussed this with my older brother and he asked me why leaving is ever an option. He said when you give your life to someone or decide to share your life with someone- walking away from what you build should never be an option unless it is warranted e.g. infidelity, abuse etc.  He told me to ask myself why is leaving an option…am I looking for an escape route, why do I react the way that I do?

The last few days I have seen two separate friends post the most worrying status messages on Facebook

Mrs M- hacked into her husband’s Facebook, changed his relationship status to single and his status message to now separated.

Mrs N- changed her status to say that she is fed up of the abuse from her husband and his family, that it is not what she signed up for when she got married and that she wants a refund.

Both women are struggling in their respective marriages, with infidelity, abuse, lies and neglect.

The question one begs to ask is…did you or did you not know who you decided to bind yourself to for life? Unlike other women, I am not giddy up the ass from the thought of getting married. A wedding is one day, and once you are married that’s it…no exchanges no refunds. Now….if it takes me hours to do my food shopping, how long will it take for me to make sure that my man is the right man? And not only that, to be a father to my kids. How are you going to complain that your husband does not have time for his kids….did you not discuss this when you were engaged or dating. You might say, April, after more than ten years what more do you want to know…?

Oprah’s questions to ask before marriage are a great start.

Work Questions

• Are you working in your chosen profession?
• How many hours a week do you work?
• What is your dream job?
• What is your retirement plan? What do you plan to do when you stop working?
• What does your job entail? (For example: Do you often travel for business, work at home or perform dangerous tasks?)

Money

• What is your annual income?
• Should individuals within a marriage have separate bank accounts in addition to joint accounts?
• Do you have significant debts?
• Do you believe in establishing a family budget?
• How important is it for you to make a lot of money?

Sex

What sexual activities do you enjoy most? Are there specific sexual acts that make you uncomfortable? Be specific!

• Do you feel comfortable initiating sex? If yes, why? If no, why?
• What do you need in order to be in the mood for sex?
• How often do you need or expect sex?
• Is sexual fidelity an absolute necessity in a good marriage?

Parenthood

• Do you want children? When? How many? Are you unable to have children?
• Do you believe that children should be raised with some religious or spiritual foundation?
• How important is it to you that your children are raised near your extended family?
• Do you believe in spanking a child? What type of discipline do you believe in (time outs, standing in the corner, taking away privileges, etc.)?
• Should boys be treated the same as girls? Should they have the same rules for conduct? Should you have the same expectations for their sexual behavior?

Religion

• Do you believe in God? What does that mean to you?
• Do you have a current religious affiliation? Is it a big part of your life?
• Does your religion impose any behavioral restrictions (dietary, social, familial, sexual) that would affect your partner?
• How important is it to you for your partner to share your religious beliefs?
• How important is it to you for your children to be raised in your religion?

ML and I complete each other’s sentences, I know what he thinks about all of the above without even asking him. For goodness sake people, lets do our research, and get it right before getting married, having children and then wondering where it all went wrong. I am at the stage where lots of my friends have now been married for a few years and the honeymoon period is now over. Cracks are beginning to show in the relationship and no place is exempt from the backlash- even Facebook. You can never know everything about everyone, but you should be comfortable that you can live with the partner you have chosen and that the promise you have made each other is one that is meant to last forever, whatever the future may bring.

Hmmm happy Sunday

A Happier April

Don’t take it personally

Today I was reading the personals in  the Evening Standard section (actually browsing…its a guilty pleasure ) on my way home and I wondered why the same ‘type’ of person is always seeking the same thing every week, surely its not the same people who write week in week out, there must be some kind of rotation or a screening process to make sure there are no repeat offenders.

The same characters recur like a bad nightmare, the old white men (OWM) seeking youngish black women is my favorite. My theory is that they do this for thrills, because they are finally ready to explore the other side and test the theory of the dark berry. They are finally out of the confines of society’s rules. Although I know for a fact the category of older white men are the most notorious lecherous eye contact makers and general creeps.  As my American college education taught  me (a class in Sociology no less)- that is the prime example of “consumption of the other.” Look this up- it is a fascinating theory.

The next category, running parallel with the OWM,  consists of the youngish black woman (YBM) who cannot cope and will not cope with youngish black men and seeks an “older’ white man to pad her income and treat her to ‘eating out, shopping and walks in the park.” Incidentally it might be because she prefers the look, feel taste and smell of the OWM-e.g I have a friend who testifies to her own preference for white men. In any other arena, specifying what race, shape, income and age partner you require would be considered catergorically racist, sexist, gold-digging and possibly shallow . Surely another dilemna is that once you have answered the 25-35 year old pretty black woman with GOSH ad, wouldn’t you wonder whether or not he still was seeking another 25-35 year old pretty black woman with GOSH?

Honestly I think you have to wonder about someone who; 1) feels the need to advertise for a partner in a newspaper;  2) specifies their exact requirements with a disturbing precision;  and 3) might approve of and then test drive about 20 responders (is this a reasonable estimate considering the circulation of the Evening Standard is about 500 000 papers a night?).

My favourite all time listing was a man with a short self depricating description that I instantly found charming- something about being a short, ugly ginger without a sense of humour. I can only guess how many times that got him a date…, thats why noone ever lists for “a passable 20 something black woman, with a dry sense of humour and lack of faith in humanity, to watch while she plays on her PC, vegetates on the couch and procrastinates…………”

Bedtime stories

I am a naughty blogger, and I am ashamed so I am bringing milk, cookies and bedtime stories as compensation.

She is the closest thing to an angel I know, literally the most perfect young woman. Beautiful, never had a ‘B’ in her life, sugary sweet to the point of being admired by every man, and turning every insecure woman into a hate spewing irrational hater (even I once wondered whether anyone can be that genuinely unflinchingly perfect, then she turns around and proves that she is, and you are just inadequate ) she is just a great friend, now a lovely wife and always a little Angel.  She is going through some serious trials right now and has asked me to pray for her.

I do pray (I do not go to church, read the Bible or anything like that regularly or irregularly might I add- I am not one of the good black girls who reads the Bible during rush hour- equipped with highligher pen and a Bible verse bookmark) and/or  have a constant conversation with God. Every day I wonder how many blessings the Creator has given me and I am in awe, I wonder how I have made it to the next day how He makes all my dreams come true, even the ones I did not even know I had. I also have those desperate “begging God for a miracle” chats, you know the kind when you try and cut a deal with the Creator on the way to an interview or an exam. My old one used to be, “God if you give me this one thing…I promise I will quit smoking.” Now that I don’t smoke I wonder what ammo I will have for Him. I digress…. Angel deserves a one on one conference call with the Creator- even multiple calls. We are not immortal…life is fleeting, and this day to day thing that we do called living is really just a preoccupation until the inevitable end. Count your Blessings…and keep that conversation going.

Sticks and Stones…and Krispey Kremes

I think the reason why I get along with the British as a people (well at least a certain sector of them)  is because I have the same sentiments when it comes common etiquette. I do not like making jokes at my anyone’s expense, no matter how funny it might seem (well actually it depends on the joke and the person). I don’t like talking about money, and I think I can do a good job hiding my true feelings when they must be concealed (i.e. work), but don’t get me wrong I am not uptight and highly strung.

Why this observation? I set the scene- ML and I have set the wedding date for next year (Fall), and I am sooo excited. I told one of my friends (Pocahontas) and jokingly said that she had until this date to eat lots of Krispy Kreme doughnuts because she can’t be way thinner than me on this day. She replied …

“I would have to eat a whole factory of Krispey Kremes to be like you.”

Okay I think this is a slight exaggeration, not simply because I wear a size 10/12 UK and I am of average size and curvy in all the right places (I have been told). What do you think she means by this….seriously? At the time I thought it was funny but I said, “I don’t think I am that bad.” I just think it was in bad taste, but then again maybe I have been hanging around with the British for too long and as a result have lost some of my African resilience. I couldn’t personally make a joke like that…but to each his own.

TigerWoodsIsJustAnOrdinaryMan.com

I am enthralled by the Tiger Woods debacle, primarily because my whole  family (excluding me) is golf obsessed  and my brothers frequent a website called TigerWoodsIsGod.com and take this very seriously. I have seen my brothers literally look heart broken when Tiger Woods has lost- to the point where my not so  little  anymore brother has become inconsolable.

My mother- also an avid golfer/Tiger supporter was heart broken when Tiger chose to marry a “non- ethnic” nanny (not saying anything about my mom being a classist mama…education is a national obsession in my country)

The most fascinating response to the saga, was my Father’s. He said,

“What man hasn’t been through what Tiger is going through right now??”

To be completely honest I started laughing, but as the initial joke wore off, I considered the ramifications of that sweeping statement and the comic side gave way to the stark reality of …men (and women). I told ML and he agreed, wholeheartedly with my father’s observation, in fact he found it quite funny.

It got to the point when just to revive some sort of hope in humankind I said I would find one man who I could say definitevely had not cheated on his wife, girlfriend, life partner etc. The only contendor was my older brother whom has never cheated on his wife.  But that is just a gut feeling I do not have irefutable evidence to the contrary…so as it stands my older brother is the only man I know who is near perfect (relationship wise). Strangely enough…I would never ever date a man like him, he is too sensible, down to earth, has a serious case of OCD and is too intuitive for me to bullshit (a prequisite of any man I would date).

Tiger Woods is just a man he is not a God, he is just a damn good athlete with a d#5^! like any other man and no good sense. I think his behaviour  is embarassing for his family and his kids (they will one day Google their dad no doubt..and the pathetic stories will emerge) and that is probably the worst sentence for Tiger’s sins. I can’t imagine the trauma his wife is going through..we have all experienced infidelity in some shape or form, directly or indirectly,  but to have it splashed across headlines across the world..that is another story. Just makes me think…the grass is hardly ever greener, tend your own.

(Since I wrote this post more women have literally crawled out of the woodwork and I stand corrected, TW is less than a man)

Closing the deal

The reason for my prolonged absence is because I just closed another deal. Although it feels good, I must say that the novelty wears off. The sense of accomplishment is huge looking back, but at the end of the day was it worth it? Was it worth the dark circles around my eyes, the countless late nights, the canteen food on a daily basis the neglect I put my body and mind through. Oh and the lack of ML time.

Yes..it was worth it…but I need to be paid more (eventually- the theory of diminishing returns etc etc). It is fair to say that I am a workaholic who throws herself in to the point of cutting herself out of the outside world. I do love the thrill; the sense of urgency; and the testosterone, but I now wonder how long I can go on.  I know I can do it, but I just think what I will have to give up in return.

I have more to say…but its bedtime and I am exhausted- besides the party season has arrived…I need to be beautiful and well rested.

Goodnight

April

Ramblings…from my bed

I am sitting in bed, wondering why on earth I am awake this early on my day off. It is my first day off since last Saturday, a week that was pure and utter hell. Examples include the fact that  have not checked my email/facebook or blog since last week, let alone any other blogs. I had finishes between 2 and 4:30 am all week. Now thats over, I feel extremely frivolous and can’t take anything seriously so this will be a an erratic light-hearted post. Today I am going to wash my hair (I <3washing my hair). I bought this gorgeous hair stuff that makes my hair smell sooo good ML literally snuggles his nose in hair telling me how good I smell.

I think all this time I spend at work has made him very amorous, and I have been treated to the most romantic side of him. The best part of my day are his emails to my work address that are uncharacteristically sweet and disarming. I think being away from me has made him remember ‘US’ and in his words, why he fell in love with me. Yesterday was topped off with a quick email which I almost wanted to google, because it seemed so perfect it sounded plagiarised. Not sugary sweet and “hallmark” esque, but just natural. But then again I know him, and he would never ever think that hard about something he wanted to say to me, we are beyond all that, it is really whatever we want to say, whenever.

I might take a walk to the local beauticians to get de-furred and possibly a pedicure.I think I deserve this, as does ML who has done all the cleaning and assures me  even dusted all the furniture so that I can have a day to myself. It will be so nice to just have  day to myself. Every single time I leave the house I spend money, not enough to make a perceptible difference, but enough to know that it was not in the budget. I always find things that I ‘need.’ Not even want, I need this, I tell myself. Last week was a trip to get my eyebrows waxed, in the knowledge that it was my only day off. I ended up spending hours in shops, including buying a new floor lamp for the living room (which I think is soft and contemporary) and some beauty products from Sally’s.

It’s a good thing I am easy to please, I could have taken the train to the West End and got a Mulberry bag….that I could just as easily convince myself I need and want. 

On to more important things:

Random thoughts

1.  How do you feel when someone who is less than hmmm, glamorous or tasteful compliments you on your style, and does so passionately?? Is it a compliment or a warning that your taste is going down the drain
2. People with bad breath and/or body odour should not be allowed on public transport (they should get an ASBO (Antisocial behaviour order English law- will getcha every time)
3. Jealously ogling another girl’s ginormous and extremely sparkly diamond engagement and wedding band is quite shameless, but only natural diamonds are a girl’s best friend
4. My face is starting to look plodgy- no other word to describe it, actually there is puffy, soft, round. I think its time to cut out the…..sitting on my ass
5. A few weeks ago I could have sworn I had reached my sexual peak….I was literally scoring goals in every single game- ML even commented that I should have been awarded the team’s Most Valuable Player award-  MVP.  Since then- being exhausted has taken the wind from under my sails. I will however, be climbing firmly back on the proverbial horse, as this is an opportunity that cannot be missed. I think that sex in a relationship gets better with time, just when you would think it would get more boring (5 years of monogamous coupling and in total about ten years on and off of kissing the same boy). This funny picture from my sister accurately portrays current feelings towards bananas. I am currently in therapy and waiting for the current aversion to leave.
6. Banana split 
7. ML is such a metrosexual he is religiously taking my hair, skin and nails supplement
8. Should point 7 be worrying?
9. I think I am having weird sick in the stomach feeling (I think I need a few home cooked meals)

Random Picture

FINALLY…save the best for last some Blog Love from Joy the new mama of the most gorgeous newest addition to the world Scotty. He is so perfect- go over and take a peek.

Here are the rules:
1. You can only use one word!
2. Pass this along to 6 of your favorite bloggers.
3. Alert them that you have given them this award!
4. Have Fun!

The Survey
1. Where is your cell phone? handbag
2. Your hair? braided
3. Your mother? determined
4. Your father? charming
5. Your favorite food? sushi
6. Your dream last night? work
7. Your favorite drink? champagne
8. Your dream/goal? happiness
9. What room are you in? bedroom
10. Your hobby? blogging
11. Your fear? infertility
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? sunshine
13. Where were you last night? work
14. Something that you aren’t? patient
15. Muffins? blueberry
16. Wish list item? camera
17. Where did you grow up? h-town
18. Last thing you did? coffee
19. What are you wearing? sweats
20. Your TV? his
21. Your pets? Princess
22. Friends? neglected
23. Your life? hectic
24. Your mood? exhausted
25. Missing someone? yes
26. Vehicle? train
27. Something you’re not wearing? bra
28. Your favorite store? MAC
29. Your favorite color? pink
30. When was the last time you laughed?morning
31. Last time you cried? months
32. Your best friend? diamonds
33. One place that I go to over and over? home
34. One person who e-mails me regularly? Dad
35. Favorite place to eat? manhattan

So here goes…6 of the bloggers on my mind, today. I hate picking my favourite blogs, because I have so many but I will just pick the ones based on purely random factors, or because I have visited them today.

Mrs X is a real live character from this blog, quite honestly she has shocked me by starting a blog, just because I did not think she had time, or interest as she is busy being a city slicker, a yummy mummy and a doting wife.  Babs is a new discovery, witty and random enough to keep my interest (I have a very short attention span).  I stumbled on two lovely chocolate couples today whilst tag surfing- and would love to tag the better half (only because I dont think both can answer the above), simply as a result of this post . I know I have said no repeat offenders, but this post, deserves an award, as does this one. And finally she is,  literally, my best friends little sister.There…thats six, please can someone give me an award so I can keep adding….

I am getting out of bed…its 2pm

April

If you want to tell God a joke….

tell Him your plans for the future

This is not what I imagined my life would be, when I was a little girl or even a littler woman.  But it is only human nature.

When we look forward we always have blurry expectations, you ‘picture’ your life as it will be years later. I envisaged, a swanky job which would celebrate my intelligence and allow me to wear high heels daily, a man with broad shoulders (literally - broad shoulders- stemming from a dream I had when I was in primary school of waking up next to a man in a light airy room with white sheets who wrapped me snuggly in his arms, protector and  provider. It was so calm and  I felt peace that was so indescribable, the feeling and the image have been imprinted in my memory. He had no face but a clear image of his dark chocolate masculine arms and shoulders) and a couple of good children. Good being the key word. You know the kind of children who say, yes please Mommy read after school and kiss you goodnight dutifully. The kind of children whom ML would say were dull- taking after me, not him.

What was never in focus (or even blurry, at that) was the reality of checking the list off one at a time. The arduous journey to the swanky job, the many frogs that lead to your Prince Charming. The reality of actually having a real grown up relationship with Prince Charming. Realising that the indescribable peace, does not come from his arms or from anyone else other than yourself. Balancing the reality of having what you always dreamt of once you have it, the man, the job and everything else. Knowing that part three of the dream would have to wait and admitting/realising that I do not actually want..part 3…now.. or for a while…a loooong while.

I sometimes even wish I had more time on my own. It is so hard to balance time at work, time with ML, time on my own and time with my friends. Sometimes I just sit around, knowing I should call someone or go out to see someone but the thought is so tiring, I don’t.

I am not saying that life is not as beautiful as I imagined it would be, in fact I think that the journey is so much more exciting and real  and turmultous. For example, I can’t wait until Christmas (because the life of a working adult revolves around the next holiday (nobody warned me about that), and in England we do not have Thanksgiving so Christmas is next), but it is not really about one day, its the whole period leading up to the day (which let’s face it…is always anti-climatic). I always end up hot, sweaty and tipsy in the kitchen, and since I am now an adult, I even have a turkey, trimmings and a ham to cook. Only difference is, I am having a Christmas tree this year and possibly a cocktail get together. My very own Martha Stewart inspired tree worthy of a get together. I suppose trees are normally for people with children, or even people under the age of 21 in the house but I don’t reallyt care- its going to a grown folks tree. And besides by the time the little ones come around, I will have had practice.

 

Last year around Christmas we were broke but we still hosted Xmas (that is how I learnt the price of a turkey) and it was still amazing. We made the most of everything we had and the love people showed us. I think when you look back all the hardships and all the pain you go through, and makes it all much gratifying in the end. It seems so silly to say this, but,  when you strip away everything you have and see whats left, it never really changes. The bones of who we are remain consitently the same. Hardened? yes, older? yes, wiser? occasionally,  yet that little girl who despite knowing better, still dreams about tomorrow in the same blurry way as she did before.

Much to my dismay… I am changing slowly, or circumstances are changing slowly…

1) Random people,  from ML’s barber…to my landlord are asking me for legal advice with with the same hopeful – then the blank look- I get back when I explain I am not that kind of lawyer….(but I end up listening anyway)

2 My idea of multi-tasking includes sending a text to ML from the toilet seat at work while doing a number 2 (I am no longer grossed out from the idea of taking a dump at work, because I practically live there and the only thing worse than taking a dump at work is your stomach making sneaky noises in a silent office with just you and your supervisor)

3) My pee occasionally smells like coffee

4) I talk to my supervisor more than anyone else in my life…..and when I come home I talk about him.

5) My love of proofreading has finally reached a new level (or low), I even proofread magazine and newspaper articles.

6) My grasp of English grammar is amateurish in comparison to everyone who has been at the law firm a day longer than me.

7) I have begun sending personal emails in bullet point form, and have to stop myself from signing off,

Kind regards

 April

Poll Dancing….on a Sunday?

Talking to Peachie the other day, complimented her on her hair (short, healthy not show-stopping..but good hair). She remembered that it was time to get a touch up relaxer from Junior Green. Award Winning hairdresser Junior Green?? Yes the one and only….Junior Green, appropriately located in posh Knightbridge.

“Oh…..”  was all I could manage. He charges………….wait for it……..£125 (US$200) for a relaxer!! Which brings me on to my next remarkable observation, Solange Knowles Beyonce’s sister confessed to Oprah that she spent $40, 000-$50, 000 a year on her hair before chopping it all off. 

I don’t think I could  justify spending $200 a pop on my hair. How much would spend in one go and not a special occasion (like the Oscars or a wedding)? The most I think I have ever spent is maybe about  £100 (although ML would argue that I spend more if you take into account the fact that I am a product junkie and have about 5 conditioners (for example) sitting under my sink!

So here comes the quick poll – please answer!!

 

Oh and because I know there are some true Oprah Lovers I think you should all watch the hair-episode. My favourite segment is the first one, Chris Rock says when he realises that Oprah is wearing her own hair, “Now thats rich! the houses don’t impress me, but that hair- thats rich”  Chris rock  had me giggling for a whole hour.

 

Oh and on a “non-hair” hair tip, I was inspired by Vimbai to go and get a wax down there. I have already had two and I am so hooked I am thinking of eradicating the landing stip as well (partly due to the fact that ML said that as it is now it reminds him of B.A Baracus aka Mr T but then says he loves it). Not a bump in sight, and in fact I am completely addicted to the whole experience. It’s like a little secret that I am all put-together even under my skirt (wink wink). However, I do recommend tendskin, it is amazing and I am quite certain that it is part of the reason why my skin is looking so soft, smooth and…can I say radiant in relation to my noonoo? Well I will- it is ‘radiant.’

So I realise that as this is a Sunday, I owe this blog some beautification, aka Sunday Haute Choclit.

I am afraid the beauty of today’s chocolate is so exceptional I feel gluttonous just thinking about it…suffice to say, it cannot share the spotlight with the Poll. I propose to post it on Wednesday or sometime during the week, but it has something to do with weddings.

 

Kisses and Happy Sunday

Snakes and Ladders…

 

Ladders!

Dear Little Brother

I miss you so much…I keep thinking I have seen you

Today I was walking around the train station on my way home, and I thought I saw you,  my heart ached as I realised there was no way that he could be you because you are half way across the world from me, and I have not seen you in four years. I am losing out on so much of your adult life.

Dear BFF

What is going on with you? We had such a nice time the other night, but why were you being such a bitch witch? You said some inappropriate stuff, but I was too tired to react. Fact is, I really appreciate the night out, it was precisely what the doctor ordered but whats wrong with you? Why so prickly?

You look so sexy and the diet must have worked well, because you are sooo skinny!! I am so proud of you. Do you think you are irritable because you are hungry? Love you anyway, hungry and all.

Dear Mom,

Please stop calling me so much, I am sooo tired and the guilt trips are not going to work. Give me a little longer to settle in, then we will be able to catch up. Also I know I work now and I earn a living but that does not justify me calling you, at international rates whenever the urge arises.

Dear ML

I know I have been too tired to pay attention to you sometimes, I am just exhausted sometimes. Before yesterday I could not remember when we had last had sex. Its not that I did not want to, its just that, whenever I walked into the house, I was exhausted and could not for anything start doing anything even if I desperately wanted to.  I am sorry we do not have time to catch up, on both sides. Today I will ask you whats going on with you and take some time to tell you whats going on in my life. Thank you for keeping the house so fresh and clean for making sure everything is spotless when I walk in every night and for running errands for my like sorting out my bills and making calls for me. You have been a model boyfriend in all respects.

Snakes?

Dear Personal Assistant,

I think you are too cute…in fact I think its ironic that the only black PA on my floor belongs to the only black lawyer on the floor. Sometimes I think you resent me for being where I am (I know you also went to law school and we might be the same age), other times I think we get along perfectly.  The other day when I left the office for training and I told you to tell my supervisor, why did I come back to a bunch of irate partners who could not find me when they needed me to proof-read a crucial document?  I looked sloppy and disorganised. Now I try to rely on another PA when it really matters because she is more reliable. You might resent me if I keep doing this. I like you, but you are supposed to make my life easier, we are not in competition. If I do well, it means you are also doing a superb job.

Dear Jacob(fellow newbie lawyer 18 months ahead)

You are such a climber and a snake. I can’t believe you refused to bring my file back from training when I was called out to go back to my office and could not come back because the deal had reached fever pitch. I cannot believe you then proceeded to walk into my office, with the sincerity of a nun, when I was surrounded my the Head of Department and other partners and within earshot of the whole office  to say, “April I know you are really busy, if there is anything I can do to to help, anything at all, you name it!” - I smiled sweetly, thinking you asshole, you could have brought back my file- but did not say that, all I managed was a weak, “thank you I will let you know if anything comes up” I am watching you, hands in pocket all the time, oozing self confidence and cheesy well-timed grins.

Gossip girl (fellow newbie lawyer 6 months ahead)

You told me that I did not have time to and could not put on my jacket and freshen up for a meeting. “Besides” you assured me, “its only other lawyers coming, no need, and I do not even have a jacket with me today, its no big deal.”  You walked out to get something from the office. I got a call from my supervisor to come back to the office, and as I climbed up to the ninth floor guess who I saw with a sheepish grin, and in a jacket, you gossip girl. I do not dislike you, I just think that such tactics show that you are really pathetic.

 

If I turn into you, or Jacob, I will curl up and die. Is it nature or nurture or a bit of both?

I got my game face on now…..can’t trust anybody

 

April

(to everyone else…Happy Sunday)

Sunday Haute Choclit

So I have been outed, my best friend’s little sister  discovered my blog!! But I am not going to  censor it —this is who I am and I think everything I say on this blog she probably knows about me already. I love her and I am so humbled that she actually read this blog before she figured out that it was me and heaven forbid, LIKED IT, I guess it also provided  the impetus I needed to contribute to this jumble of words after a long hiatus.

Before I begin my periodic musings I have to mention the “league of incredibly yummy mummies!” I adore you all and especially the next expectant lady, who is as we speak 37 weeks along..her blog is butterflies and hurricanes. The second, is Queen Esther who has lovely blog called Queen Esther, with the by line..”you were chosen for a time such as this” love it- she has also started house-hunting and her blog is featuring the most adorable fledgling  nursery.  Please visit their blogs and share in their trials, tribulations and excitement. Like Oprah, (yes Oprah… again)  I share immense gratitude and awe for these women who bear the proud title of “mother.” Its not a walk in the park (neither is having a dog-shoot me) and my experience is still limited to babies of the canine variety.

My cousin had her  baby and although I will never host a baby shower in any shape or form, (sorry future mothers of the world) her angelic face makes it all worth it. I love her to tiny little itsy bitsy pieces. I will not discuss her labour and the first week of being a mommy, suffice to say, I respect you mommies.

Isn’t she lovely? And she is only a couple of hours old here…..

Onto updates

I have a lot of things to report on including my fabulous new life as a city girl. It is the best time of my life, can I say it again? It is the best time of my life!! I still pinch myself. I finish late, start early have had very little sleep and yet I can honestly say, I have never been so professionally fulfilled. I keep telling ML and my Dad (the two biggest time wasters) my hourly rate! If you wanna know it drop me a message and I will tell you (beware – I WILL charge per hour to reply to your query!!)

I am so deliriously happy that my life is finally where I want it to be and I think a small part of me that had become complacent with my life has died. I think I had forgotten what it was to have a vocation and a career. To actually have the career ladder in my sights.

Recently ‘overheard’ a senior partner talking to his wife several times, she kept calling asking for advice on the wall paper, the new kitchen appliances, whether to get a granite worktop, which restaurants to book for dinner on the weekend, talking about whether the dog has gone out for a piss and their young baby, with a predictably posh name like Benjamin Theodore. Have you ever noticed that posh people never, ever shorten their children’s names. Its always the full version, said with such gravity you would never imagine they were discussing a toddler with poo in his diaper at that precise moment.

 I realised that booking test drives for porsche over the weekend with your husband and home making with a fleet of nannies is probably great. I asked myself whether I would want to be the wife on the other side or the man bank rolling it……I did not hesitate when I came to the conclusion that the reason why she keeps calling is because she is probably bored out of her mind, lonely and perhaps, only maybe, unfulfilled. Just maybe, SUE me!! I would rather be him….to come home to a home cooked meal, to see the children when they are too tired to irritate me, and then to spend a weekend with her. To have my gorgeous doting wife say, “leave Daddy alone, he is tired he just came back from work.” I would rather be him. Side effects of being a partner?? They do get completely stressed out and do weird things like;

1) Ignore people who say good morning and then try and conduct a fairly normal conversation with feigned concern for your well-being hours later

2) Hit golf balls  (no putting literally slamming) in dangerous locations (e.g. 9th floor offices)

3) Burst into Christmas Carols after long bouts of silence (in early September)

4) Literally sprint out of the office on a Friday night (as though life depends on it)

5) Earn at least a million pounds a year, and yet, wear a suit with a hole in it (why?? because he can’t be bothered) he has earned his dues.

But I have to answer a recent charge that although I am a self proclaimed feminist I am a “Martha Stewart” type. Both my sister and my best friend’s sister have made this claim. The truth is I believe that feminism is about choices. Its about choosing to be someone or to do things because I WANT TO and not because you are being forced to. Some people express their love in other fulfilling ways. I choose to be a personal chef amongst other things. I once dated a guy who cooked every single meal for me, I mean I dated him for almost two years and I never cooked for him’once. He used to come home from work and cook for ME?? His mother always used to accuse him of trying to make me fat, he used to laugh it off. He looved feeding me and I used to let him (my hips and my tummy agreed). Although I was a competent chef, because I knew that he used to express his feelings through cooking and I did too, I never could do that. But now I am in my element. I love nurturing and cooking (I think it has something to do with my mother), and I am afraid that this aspect of my relationship will suffer if I keep working hectic hours. I guess it will be an opportunity to express love in other ways??

Random thought- Grey hairs anyone?? I also found a grey hair in my head. Conversation goes something like this

Zimchic: Baby, I think I have a grey hair can you believe it???

ML: Let me see it!!

Zimchic: I cant believe it I am 27 who gets grey hairs at 27 for fucks sake??

I walk over to ML who proceeds to pluck the single grey hair from my head

Zimchic: Ooooh you son of a bitch how could you do that? IT WAS MY GREY HAIR TO PLUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I never asked you to take it out you dumb useless man..I hate you….

ML:   I thought you wanted me to take it out…I’m sorry I thought you wanted me to

Zimchic: I hate you, I hate you (on the verge of tears)….I never said I wanted my hair out

 

ML: Why do you say such mean and hurtful things, I said I was sorry…I HATE YOU TOO!!  

 

Luckily the grey hair had some resiliance and it is still there (checked this morning)…I have

Finally, whats a Sunday without some hot chocolate??

Jackie O meets Michelle O inspired dress

 

Michelle O- Vogue

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I saw this dress from LK Bennett… which I thought was very purtty…..but at 195 pounds it was not really practical for a starter career wardrobe, instead I found this stunner from Marks and Spencer (yes good old M&S for 35 pounds (seriously) and it it fits like a glove.  I then got the jacket to match (45 pounds) with it, and a pencil skirt in the same suiting (19.50 pounds) . In other words I made two outfits 99.50 pounds still less than the price of the LK Bennett dress.  I think that is definately some chic-onomy and to the dress is soooo Jackie O meets Michelle O!!!

Original Dress

 

 

 

 

 

 

M& S Dress

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 On to ironing shirts for the week….

Happy Sunday

Sex….its all good

I am not shallow, but make-up sex is probably the most integral part of a feisty relationship (i.e any relationship with feisty me in it). Can you imagine having the fight and then lousy make-up sex? Then surely you would not be able to forget or forgive what you were fighting about in the first place.  Consequentially it would not qualify as make-up sex. (However you would probably have to deal with the real problem at hand which probably really stems from an unsatisfying sex life- lol..just kidding).

How it all starts

What you want is that angry sex, the kind that makes you confused because at that precise moment you hate the other person so much but your animal instinct is in a world of its own and no matter how hard you try to ignore it…it is too good to resist.

The eye contact during the act is an aphrodisiac of its own…the lust intermingled with hurt, frustration and anger. There is also the tenderness combined with the realisation that no matter what…you love each other.

That is how it happened yesterday, from the chair to the couch, during the last few minutes of the  Arsenal v Everton football game.  Four goals were scored, one by Arsenal, one by Everton, then April, then ML. As you can see, everyone was a winner.

Not a blessed topic…but Happy Sunday everyone

 

Love April

Kenzo Hounsou

 

Finally some pictures of little Kenzo…he is sooo adorable! Kimora is a great Mom and I love how much she adores her little girls and is always trying to nurture their creativity. Now lets see how she turns this poor unsuspecting baby boy into a Mommy’s boy- its gonna be tooo easy!

 

Kimora Lee Simmons, Djimon Hounsou and Kenzo Hounsou

I love this hmmmmm…..

but does Djimon’s foot look slightly ashy?